Fade in on Life
by All-Knowing-Oracle
Summary: A 20 year old filmmaker moves into the East Village.Sound familiar?The story of Mark,Roger,Collins,Maureen and Benny.Begins 3 years preRENT.MarkMaureen,obviously,with a hint of MarkRoger in some chapters
1. Chapter 1

_**Fade in on Life**_

**Chapter One**

I've always kind of treated my life back home like some other reality. It's weird to think that it was only about three years ago that that was my _only_ life. A life without Roger, without Collins, without Maureen, without AIDS. Not that I even have AIDS, but its just as bad watching everyone around me suffering from it. I almost feel guilty at times. I mean, why not me? Why Roger? Why Collins? Why _Angel_? I tell ya, if there is somebody up there, he sure does work in a way I'll never understand.

Wow...you know, thinking back, I can hardly remember a truly happy memory before moving into the loft. Then again, life's not exactly a picnic being the youngest with an extremely over-protective mother, and attending an all-Jewish school K through 8. Not to mention the fact that my parents _never _supported my art. And people wonder why I never went back to Scarsdale...

Well, most of that reason is actually because I could never leave Roger on his own. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in love with him or anything. But Roger and I are about as close as two people can be. We can be so different...which I think is why we need each other so much. We balance each other out. But we're similar enough that we can still tolerate each other. I don't usually believe in fate and all that shit, but I'll tell you, the day I met Roger Davis had to have been written in the stars somewhere.

* * *

"January 20th, 3: 46 P.M. Eastern Standard Time. I'm standing here in Central Park on my first day alone in the city as a college dropout. As of right now I have no money, no job, no education...and nowhere to sleep. Life is really looking great so far."I sighed, stopping my rolling camera and slumping onto a bench. I could always go home to Scarsdale. Mom would definitely take me back in. But honestly, I really _couldn't_ go back. Not if I wanted any pride left in me at all. Cindy lived somewhere nearby...but that would still kill almost all of my self-esteem. So, I guess sleeping on a park bench wouldn't be _too_ bad... 

"Is somebody sitting here?"I looked up to see a tall, bleach blonde guy in a ripped t-shirt and plaid pants standing before me.

"Huh? Oh, no,"I replied, edging over. The guy sat down, letting out a deep breath and pulling out a package of cigarettes.

"Smoke?"he offered. I considered it for a moment...then shook my head.

"No thanks,"I muttered.

"You look down. Something buggin' you?"the guy asked. I thought about telling him what had happened. I mean, I didn't know him at all...which could work in my favor.

"Life kinda sucks right now,"I admitted.

"Yeah, tell me about it,"the other man snorted. "What's _your_ deal?"

"I just dropped out of college and came here...with no money, no job and nowhere to stay,"I explained. The guy stared at me for a moment.

"And I thought I had it bad,"he said, laughing a little. I frowned.

"Thanks..."

"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you,"the guy insisted.

"Well what's _your_ problem?"I demanded.

"My band just broke up right before a gig and my roommate moved out,"the guy replied.

"Oh...that sucks, I guess,"I replied.

"It seemed bad until I met you,"the guy joked.

"Yeah, that's what I'm here for. Making other people feel just that much better about themselves,"I sighed.

"What's your name?"the guy asked.

"Mark Cohen,"I answered.

"Roger Davis,"the man introduced, extending his hand. "How old are you? Seventeen? Eighteen?"I frowned.

"Twenty."

"Oh...sorry. You look young."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

"Where're you from?"

"Scarsdale."

"Oooh. So you're not a city kid, I'm taking it?"

"Not at all. I'm screwed."

"Not necessarily."I looked over at Roger curiously.

"What do you mean?"I asked.

"Well, I just lost a roommate, and you need a place to stay..."I stared at Roger for a long time, trying to decided if he was serious. Unable to guess, I decided to find out.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you're uncomfortable or anything, you don't have to-"

"No!"I was in no position to turn down a roof over my head. Even if I _had _just met this guy. But he seemed nice enough...

Roger grinned at me.

"Cool. Er, I must warn you, I still have one other roommate,"he informed me. "She's...kind of odd."I thought about that for a moment. If my mom knew I was sleeping in an old apartment somewhere in the East Village with a stranger and some odd girl, she would absolutely flip. I loved it.

"That's fine,"I assured him.

"Awesome."Roger seemed relieved. "You wanna see the place?"

"Yeah."I grabbed my camera bag and my backpack, as Roger stood up, extinguishing his cigarette beneath his boot.

"Whatcha got there?"Roger asked, motioning to my camera bag.

"Oh, just my camera."

"You take pictures?"

"I film."

"Oh. You make movies and shit?"

"Mostly just shit."Roger laughed.

"I like you, Cohen. You're funny."

Funny. I could deal with that.

* * *

"Home sweet home."I stared around the small loft that Roger had lead me to. Well, it was no Scarsdale home...but it was certainly better than a park bench. 

"It's great,"I said. Roger laughed a little.

"You must be _really_ desperate,"he snorted.

"I like it,"I insisted. "It's very...comfortable."

"It's shit,"Roger stated bluntly. "Here, you can sleep in Hurley's old room."He lead me to a small room off to the side. There was a mattress, a chair and an old desk in there.

"Perfect,"I said. And I wasn't lying. This was all I would really need for the moment.

"Wow. Easy to amuse, huh?"Roger teased. I grinned.

"Easily satisfied,"I corrected.

"I'll remember that when I'm trying to get you into bed."I must have shot Roger a completely horrified look at that one, because he immediately back pedaled.

"I was kidding, Cohen. It was just a joke,"he insisted, patting my shoulder. I nodded, relieved, though still shocked.

"Oh...right. Heh heh..."Roger laughed.

"I have a feeling we're going to get along just fine, you and me."

Boy was that the understatement of the century.

* * *

**A/N: I'm back again! Haha. After about a two month hiatus, I've returned with...this. This is actually a challenge, because a teacher once told me I could never write a story from a male perspective because I'm a girl. So I'm out to show him! However, ****I've never written a story in the first person narrative before, so that will be another challenge. I realize this premise is kind of over-done, but I'm going to try putting a different spin on things. We'll see how that turns out!**

**Just a note:(for those of you who have read my other work, you know I ALWAYS have notes!)Mark's narration of this is coming from about one month post-RENT, and the story he's telling starts two years pre-RENT. So there's a three year difference between the start of the story and the time that Mark's telling it. Thanks for reading chapter one! This shouldn't be too long, I'll probably wrap it up in about five chapters. I hope you enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Roger stayed home that night, considering his band was now non-existent and couldn't play. He walked around the loft moping as I unpacked what few things I had brought.

It was about 7:00 when the door came flying open and a tall, thin, dark haired woman came storming in. I assumed this was our other roommate.

"Roger Davis, I'm gonna kick your _fucking_ ass!"she greeted. Roger barely looked up, whereas I was completely frozen in fear.

The girl was positively gorgeous. She had dark black hair, vibrant emerald eyes, and a perfectly toned body. Her curly hair was frizzed at the moment, and she had a furious glare in her stunning eyes. I couldn't _wait _to get her on film.

"To what do I owe this great pleasure, Maureen?"Roger asked mockingly, flopping onto the couch and smirking at her. She glowered. It was amazing.

"You were supposed to take me out to that gig with you tonight, and now you fucking KILLED YOUR BAND!"the girl, Maureen, shrieked.

"Why do you automatically blame it on me?"Roger demanded, frowning. "It was all Hurley's idea!"Maureen paused for a second.

"Hurley...I always hated him!"she spat. She was incredible.

"And besides, why can't you just fucking go out on your own? It's not like you'd be lonely for long,"Roger remarked. I agreed...in my head. Maureen pouted. It was irresistible.

"But _Roger_..."she whined.

"Oh shut up. I'm busy tonight,"Roger replied bluntly.

"Busy with _what_?"Maureen demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

"Breaking in our new roommate,"Roger said, motioning to me.

Maureen's eyes landed on me, standing stupidly in the corner with my camera. I nearly melted. She looked me up and down...and then smiled, storming across the room and holding out her hand.

"I'm Maureen Johnson,"she introduced loudly. I stood there stupidly for a moment before shaking her hand.

"Mark Cohen,"I managed to squeak.

"Roger never told me he was getting us a new roommate, or I would have made my entrance a bit more _exciting_,"she insisted. I thought it was pretty exciting as it was...

"I didn't know I was getting a new roommate until Hurley moved out about four hours ago,"Roger retorted from across the room.

"Where'd you get this one?"Maureen wanted to know.

"I found him in the park."The way they talked it was as if I were a new puppy or something.

"Nice pick,"Maureen commented, grinning and winking at me. If I weren't pressed up against a wall, I would have collapsed.

"Relax, Maureen. He's not legal yet,"Roger stated.

"How old are you?"Maureen asked, looking me up and down.

"Twenty,"I managed to reply.

"Aww, you're practically a baby!"Maureen cooed. "We're gonna have so much fun with this one!"She had pretty much cornered me now, and I was terrified.

"Don't scare him, Maureen, or he won't stick around."Roger had pulled Maureen away from me, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Maureen pouted again.

"I'm just getting to know him!"she insisted. "Where are you from, Mark?"

"Scarsdale,"I answered.

"You left Scarsdale to come _here_?"Maureen asked, frowning.

"No. I left Brown University to come here,"I answered.

"No way, you went to Brown?"Roger asked suddenly.

"That's where Benny goes, isn't it?"Maureen asked.

"Yeah,"Roger replied, nodding. "What year were you in?"

"Sophomore,"I answered.

"Oh, Benny is a senior...did you know a guy named Benjamin Coffin?"Roger asked me.

"You mean the class valedictorian?"I asked, stunned that Roger and Maureen were acquainted with someone liked Benjamin Coffin III.

"Yeah, that's him! Oh my God, you know Benny!"Maureen squealed.

"Well, not formally. I think I walked into him in the courtyard once though..."

"He's coming back to the city once he finishes up, I heard,"Roger said to Maureen.

"Oh boy, more roommates!"she cheered happily.

"How do you guys know him?"I wondered.

"We went to high school together,"Roger explained.

"Have you two known each other since high school?"I asked them. Maureen wrapped her arms around Roger's neck, kissing his cheek.

"Since junior high,"she corrected. Roger rolled his eyes.

"I can't get rid of her..."he groaned. Maureen pulled away, slapping him playfully before turning back to me.

"So you're a Scarsdale boy and Brown dropout, huh?"she asked.

"Yeah...that's me,"I sighed. Maureen grinned again.

"Sounds like fun,"she joked.

"We're gonna like him, Maureen,"Roger assured her, grinning at me.

"Oh, I can tell,"Maureen replied, also grinning.

"Okay, you're just creepy. Leave him alone,"Roger said, ushering Maureen away from me. I laughed a little as I turned and walked back into the room. No. _My _room.

* * *

**A/N: So here's chapter two! Again, for those who know me, I update REALLY fast because I usually have all my stories pre-written before I post them. This story is actually going to end up being closer to 8 chapters, instead of 5, but they're pretty short.**

**Um, so just a change: There really won't be that much Mark/Roger. There's one scene at the end of a chapter that's really more just friendship stuff, it's nothing serious. So, that's to comfort any Mark/Maureen people!...and sorry to any Mark/Roger people who were expecting more! **

**Thanks for your reviews. Pools, I promise we will see some April! I'm glad people are enjoying this so far!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

So I started living with Roger and Maureen. And what a pair of characters _they _were. They were like a little sister and brother...only older, and still arguing like five-year-olds. I loved every minute of living with them.

And it didn't take them long to warm up to my stupid jokes and compulsive filming. As a matter of fact, Maureen couldn't get enough screen time. She adored being in front of the camera, reading my horrible scripts. And I must say, I adored filming her...

So it was no wonder I started getting a little, well, _jealous _when she started bringing home the suave, handsome, smart Thomas Collins. I mean, the guy was _perfect_. He was funny, he had great conversational skills, he was friendly...there was nothing to hate about him. Which is why I despised him.

Maureen met him at some protest or something. She was a street performer at the time, just getting into the whole protesting thing herself, and Tom Collins was a young professor with a few strong philosophies of his own, trying to find people to fight with him. So every other night the two were off at some protest, while I sat home with Roger, forcing him to read my scripts while he searched for band mates. Maureen would always bring Tom Collins back to the loft, where he would just sit there being _smart _and _charming _and _funny_. It was sickening.

Roger loved him too, which is what really drove me crazy. Usually Roger and I agreed when it came to judging people. But _everybody_ loved Tom Collins.

So stupid, love-sick, twenty-year-old me decided to take matters into my own hands.

* * *

"Hey Maureen!"I greeted as she and Tom Collins came through the door the next night. I immediately draped my arm around her, shooting Tom Collins what I thought was a menacing gaze.

"Hey Mark,"Maureen replied, pulling my arm off of her, and leading Tom Collins over to the couch. I frowned, quickly following.

"How are you, _Thomas_?"I asked, trying my best to sound threatening.

"I'm fine, thanks. And yourself?"Dammit, why was he so fucking polite?

"I'm good,"I replied stiffly. "You know _Thomas_-"

"All my friends call me Collins."

"...as I was saying, _Thomas_, Maureen and I have know each other for a while."

"Yeah, like two months,"Maureen snorted. I frowned.

"She's told me a lot about you,"Tom Collins replied.

"I'm sure she has,"I stated.

"Mark, what is your deal?"Maureen demanded.

"Nothing! I'm just trying to get to know our _friend_ better,"I snapped, eyeing Tom Collins carefully.

"Oh, well in that case...I grew up in Jersey, I'm an intern at MIT, and I am an HIV positive gay rights activist."I froze.

"You...you're gay?"I asked.

"And proud of it,"Tom Collins replied. I gawked at him for a good thirty seconds, feeling the color rising in my cheeks.

"Oh. Well, er...that's great! Um...good for you!"I said stupidly.

"Oh God..."Maureen groaned, placing her head in her hands in mortification.

"I'm just gonna...go away now. And stop talking. Nice to meet you, Collins,"I said, offering an awkward wave as I stood up and headed for my room. Collins grinned widely.

"You too, Mark."And I ran into my room and slammed the door.

From that day on, Collins and I were much better friends.

* * *

The next month, Collins was moving in with us. I'm still not one hundred percent sure of how THAT happened. Something about his family not accepting him, and work...anyways, it's not like anything really changed. The guy was at the loft 24/7 anyways. Now he just slept there too, forcing Roger and I to have to share a room.

What really changed things was when valedictorian Benjamin Coffin III returned to the East Village.

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Someone get the door!"

"Why can't you get the door?"

"Because I'm in the middle of writing lyrics and I can't stop now."

"Excuses..."

"MAUREEN! Answer the fucking door!"

"Hey, did you guys hear a knock at the door?"

"Yes Mark! GET THE DOOR!"

"Maureen is closer."

"Am not!"

"Hey, guys, keep it down, I'm trying to study!"

"Sorry Collins."

"SOMEBODY ANSWER THE GOD DAMNED DOOR!"

"Why can't you?"

"He's writing lyrics."

"Excuses..."

"MARK! MAUREEN!"

"Keep it DOWN!"

"Fine! I'll answer the _door_!"Maureen stormed over, flinging the door open, a glower plastered on her face...which was immediately erased when she spotted our visitor."...oh! Benny!"

Everyone turned immediately to the door to see none other than Benjamin Coffin III standing there, grin on his face.

"Greetings,"he said very coolly, entering the loft. Maureen immediately wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You're back!"she squealed. Roger too went running over to him.

"Hey man,"he greeted. "Nice to see you again. You finished with school?"Benjamin nodded.

"I finished off as valedictorian,"he explained proudly.

"So we've heard,"Maureen replied.

"You have? From who?"Benjamin wanted to know.

"From part of the newest addition to our humble home,"Maureen turned, presenting me and Collins as if we were prizes on a game show. "Ta-dah!"Benjamin looked surprised.

"I didn't know you two had gotten new roommates,"he commented.

"Just two. Benny, I want you to meet Mark Cohen and Thomas Collins,"Maureen introduced. "Guys, this is Benny Coffin."We all exchanged waves and 'hellos'.

"Nice to meet you gentlemen,"Benny said. Wow. He was polite too.

"We've heard a lot about you, my friend,"Collins replied. Always friendly.

"Yeah,"I added dumbly. Benny grinned. He had a really good smile. He would be fun to film too.

"All good things, I hope,"he teased, grinning at Roger and Maureen.

"Nothing but,"Collins assured him.

"How long have you two been here?"Benny asked, walking in and dropping his bags down next to the couch.

"Actually legitimately _living _here? About two months,"Collins replied, with a chuckle.

"I've been here for closer to six,"I added.

"Wow. How come you guys never mentioned them?"Benny asked the other two.

"Never came up!"Maureen replied, brushing the topic aside.

"Mark used to go to Brown too, you know,"Roger explained. Benny grinned at me.

"You graduated?"he asked.

"Um, not exactly...I kind of dropped out sophomore year,"I admitted. Benny laughed a little.

"Understandable. It's a tough school. If it weren't for my parents, I would have been gone freshman year,"he assured me.

"_My_ parents are the reason I dropped out,"I admitted. Benny laughed again.

"It's funny that we'd both end up here, huh?"he remarked. He carefully pulled off his nice leather jacket, slinging it over a chair. He jammed his hands into his pockets as he walked around the loft. "Wow...nice place."

"Shut up,"Roger grumbled, sitting back down on the couch, and picking up his guitar. Benny just laughed.

"I'm just joking with you,"he said. "I appreciate you guys letting me move in here."

"Oh Benny, we could never turn you down,"Maureen assured him.

"Plus we figured you'd get along fine with Mark and Collins,"Roger added.

"Oh, I'm sure I will,"Benny agreed, grinning again at Collins and I.

And for a time, he would.

* * *

**A/N: So, how'd you like the constant repeating of Collins's full name? Hopefully it served its purpose in making people annoyed with Mark. I'm glad people are enjoying this so far. It's something that's different for me, so I'm glad I'm getting a good response! The next chapter will bring us our first view of April, and some official Mark/Maureen, I believe...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

So we were living happily, the five of us: Roger, Maureen, Collins, Benny and I. Things were great. We were all friends, we could all tolerate each other, we were all there for each other. No one was out of line, and everything was perfectly balanced.

That is, up until about two years ago. That was when Roger met April, Benny started dating Alison, Collins got a job at MIT, and Maureen finally started paying attention to me. None of those sound like bad things, right? Well, they weren't at first.

* * *

"Hey Mark."

"Hey Marky!"Roger and April burst through the door, hands all over each other. They had just come back from one of Roger's gigs(he had finally managed to reunite with two of his old band mates). He had met April at a gig, and they had clicked immediately. I always kind of thought April was a little...off. I mean, I liked her and all. But there was definitely something missing there.

"Hey guys,"I replied. I was concentrating on a film reel, and barely looked up as the two made their way towards the bedroom.

"You don't mind if April and I use our room, do you?"Roger and April often liked to, well..._get to know each other _better in the room that Roger and I shared. And usually all over MY side, too...

"Just keep off the film reels!"I called as they ran into our room. I sighed, returning to my work, knowing that in a few minutes I would no longer be able to concentrate.

That's when Maureen came strutting in. It was probably just the fact that I hadn't gotten laid in the six months since I moved into the loft, but Maureen was looking more and more attractive each day. It was _very_ distracting to my work.

"Hey Marky,"she greeted, walking over and sitting down next to me. She had been paying more attention to me lately. I had no idea why, but I wasn't going to protest.

"Hey Maureen. Were you out at a club?"I asked, forcing myself not to look at her.

"No...I have no one to go with,"she explained. I could tell she was beginning to pout. I forced myself to concentrate harder on the film reels.

"Oh, that's too bad,"I replied bluntly, avoiding eye contact at all costs. I knew I was blushing now. It was extremely emasculating.

"You know, Marky..."Dammit. I hated when she called me that. "_You _could come out with me."Now this one surprised me.

"Me? You want _me_ to come out with you?"I asked.

"Yeah, it'll be fun! You _never _come out with me,"Maureen pointed out. I thought I was going to faint I was so shocked.

"You...you really want _me _to come?"I asked, finally breaking down and looking at her. Oh God. She was pouting.

"Please Marky?"she begged.

"...sure!"I blurted out. Maureen's face lit up.

"Super! Now get that cute ass into some good pants. I want to make people jealous!"

* * *

That night was perhaps one of the strangest nights of my life. Maureen took me from club to club to club. I didn't even know the names of half of them, and they got weirder as the night went on. At each place Maureen would drag me out onto the dance floor, parade me around until she was sure someone else was looking, and then proceed to cling all over me until she got bored and decided to move on to the next club. I must say, I wasn't complaining.

At the last club, she managed to push me into a corner and start hooking up with me.

"Whoa! Maureen, wait..."I said, pushing her off. She pouted.

"What's wrong, pookie? Don't you want this?"she asked me.

"Well...yeah. But we should think about it first. I mean, this will change our friendship..." I began. Before I could finish, Maureen's tongue was back in my mouth. That's when I noticed just how much taller, and stronger, she was than me...

"Our friendship will be fine. _Better_! Right now I want _you_, Marky..."she whispered, also making it phsically impossible for me to escape from the corner. I was a sucker already anyways, so as you can imagine, I didn't fight much. And that was the beginning of Maureen and me. And, as I would learn the next morning, also my job as her production manager...

There's always a catch.

* * *

July rolled around, and with it came my twenty-first birthday. I think Maureen and Roger were more excited than I was. They had a list of at least 45 bars they planned to drag me to legally for the first time.

Collins had appointed himself the keeper of the supplies. Supplies being: Stoli, balloons, cake and, knowing him, a fair quantity of pot. Just what I needed to confirm my legality.

Benny gave me a card exactly a week _after _my birthday. I assured him it was okay that it was late. However, I never told him the card was signed 'To Toby, with Love'. Poor Toby. Looks like Benny _really_ forgot his birthday...

My favorite gift that year didn't come from any of my roommates, though.

"Hey Mark."I looked up from my current project(a new screenplay)to see April standing in the door, smiling, and holding something behind her back. I grinned.

"Hey April. Roger's not here right now, he's out at a gig somewhere..."I informed her.

"I know. I actually came by to see you,"April stated.

"Really?"I asked, surprised by that. April nodded, pulling out a small, rectangular box from behind her. She walked over and sat down beside me on the couch.

"Happy Birthday, Mark,"she said, handing me the box.

"Aw, thanks April. You didn't have to get me anything,"I assured her. I didn't even _know_ when her birthday was so I could pay her back...

"Don't mention it. I saw it the other day and thought of you. And Roger's been talking about your big twenty-first non-stop these last few weeks..."I liked April's voice. It was lower, with a thick New York accent. But where most New York accents drove me absolutely insane, April's fit her well. She could pull it off...if it was possible to pull off an accent well.

"Are you gonna open it?"she asked hopefully.

"Sure."I took the box, pulling the lid off carefully. There was a card on top. Well, a little folded piece of paper with a message scrawled in April's crazy handwriting.

_Happy Twenty-first, Mark! Sorry you're not breaking any rules when we take you out to bars now...I bet Maureen's got plenty of illegal shit still planned for you though._

I laughed. Everyone knew Maureen...Then I moved on to the actual gift.

Inside the box was a blue and white striped scarf. It was a nice looking scarf, and definitely something I would need, considering I left my old one at Brown.

"Wow! Thanks April,"I said happily, pulling the scarf from the box, and examining it.

"Well, I just figured, you know, you're always outside filming and shit, and we don't want you to freeze your ass off and get all sick and junk, so it might come in handy,"April explained.

I wrapped the scarf around my neck, and turned to April so she could see. She tugged at it a little to make it look better, then nodded approvingly.

"Perfect! You look cute as a button,"she teased. I laughed.

"Thanks April. I really appreciate this,"I assured her. "Hey, are you gonna be joining us for my birthday party on Saturday?"April shook her head.

"Nah. That's like, a roommate thing. I don't wanna interfere,"she insisted. Now I know she probably really had plans with her dealer...but it was a nice excuse at the time.

"Well, if you change your mind, we'll be...uh...well, at some bar in the area getting drunk off our asses,"I offered. April laughed.

"Have fun. And happy birthday, Mark."April waved as she headed out the door. She may not have been all there, but the parts of her that were there were really creative. I would often wear that scarf while searching for inspiration, in hopes that April's creative spirit would rub off on me.

Now, I wear that scarf every day.

* * *

Around that time, Collins had applied for a real teaching job at MIT in Boston, and he was a nervous wreck for about a week waiting for them to call back. Maureen and I did our best to comfort him, because Roger and April were never home any more, and Benny was always out trying to impress his new girlfriend, Alison. We had never actually met Alison, of course. He never brought her back to the loft. But we had heard enough. She was a rich daughter of some land-owner named Grey. Benny talked the guy up as if he were God.

One night, Maureen and I were in the middle of a particularly intense make-out session that was quickly leading to something more, when Collins came bursting through the door.

"Maureen! Mark!"He had obviously been running because he was panting and his cheeks were all red. His eyes were wide with excitement, and he couldn't seem to wipe the huge grin off his face. I pulled away from Maureen, who didn't seem to have any intentions of pulling away from me.

"Hey Collins. What's up?"I greeted, turning to him as Maureen clung to my neck, still kissing my cheek.

"You'll never guess what just happened!"Collins cried excitedly.

"You finally fucked that waiter from the Life with the tight leather pants?"Maureen guessed, as she slipped her hands up my sweater. I tried to push her away, put every time I pushed her hands off of one part of me, she would move on to another. Collins frowned.

"_No_...not yet,"he replied. "But I got the job at MIT!"

"Collins, that's great!"I exclaimed, as Collins began laughing and doing a little dance. Maureen's hands were roaming lower and lower down my back, as I tried to edge away from her so I could concentrate on Collins' good news. She was making it extremely hard. Oh God. _Bad_ choice of words right there...

"They called this afternoon, and I just got the message now,"Collins explained. "Oh man, I can't believe this! This is the opportunity I need to start spreading my philosophy to kids_ all _over the country!"

"And an MIT professor is a really prestigious job,"I added. Maureen's hand had made it's way to my fly now, and she began to unzip it. I quickly grabbed her hand, but she merely finished the job with the other. Collins was apparently too happy to notice that I was being molested right in front of him.

"Have you told Roger and Benny yet?"I asked, fighting with Maureen's hands.

"Nah, I haven't seem them. They're never around any more,"Collins remarked. "But if you see them, don't tell them! I want to be the one to break it to them."

"Of cour-_ahh_!"Maureen had somehow successfully made it into my pants in the time I had been focused on Collins, who finally frowned.

"Jeeze Mo, don't rape the boy while I'm talking to him!"he snapped. Maureen glared at Collins, finally getting off of me.

"Fine. I'll wait 'til you're gone,"she replied, grinning evilly.

"Wait...you're not going to move to Boston now, are you?"I asked suddenly. Collins looked nervously at Maureen and I.

"Well, I'm gonna have to stay there while school is in session,"he confessed. "But I'm not moving out. This will still be my home. I'll just live on campus during the school year."I frowned, and Maureen pouted.

"The school year is an awfully long time,"she pointed out. Collins sighed.

"I know. But I've _gotta _take this job, guys! Please understand..."Maureen and I nodded.

"Yeah...we understand,"I assured him.

"We're not happy! But we understand,"Maureen confirmed. Collins grinned.

"Thanks guys,"he said. "Well, I'll leave you two alone now. Happy fucking!"And Collins was out the door, laughing all the way.

"Wow. I'm gonna miss Co-_oh God_!"Maureen didn't give it two seconds before she was down my pants again. That was Maureen...

* * *

**A/N: So, I'm sad to say, that is all of April we're going to see until she's dead in the bathroom. I hadn't orginally written her into this story, I added her for my BFFL. But I had to get the history of Mark's scarf, and an April scene in there...so I blended them into one! I always thought there should be a real reason why Mark wears that scarf all the time. So, I hope you guys liked this. It was a little more PG-13 than my other chapters...particularly the Maureen parts. Haha. You can expect more Mark/Maureen...for one more chapter, anyways! Thanks for your feedback, next chapter will be up tomorrow!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Benny reacted perfectly well to Collins' news. He thought it was a 'wonderful opportunity' and Collins would 'make a great career out of it'. That was such a Benny thing to say. I had noticed Benny was becoming more and more polite and proper and, well..._boring_. The closer he got to the Greys, the less fun he was.

I'm sure Roger would have reacted strongly, had he not been high. Of course, at the time, I didn't know he was high. I knew April was on drugs. It became obvious after a while. But it took me longer than it should have to learn that Roger was too. I suppose I didn't see it because I didn't want it to be true. But I couldn't ignore it for long.

* * *

Roger and I were the only two ever left at the loft any more, now that Collins had school to prepare for, and Maureen was 'protesting'(she hadn't found much to protest yet)

One evening, when April was out "with her friends"(most likely buying drugs)Roger came slumping over to me as I was preparing to turn in for the night.

"Hey Mark?"

"Yeah?"

"There's this new club downtown, the Cat Scratch. You wanna go check it out?"I stared at Roger for a moment.

"Wow. This is how sad I've become. My girlfriend is gone so much I have to go clubbing with my roommate,"I commented. Roger laughed.

"No. With your _best friend_,"he corrected. "Come on. You need to have some fun."I sighed.

"Okay, fine. I'll come with you,"I assured him. Roger grinned.

"Great. And wear something nice. I wanna make people _jealous_."I frowned as Roger ran out the door, a little frightened by how similar he sounded to another roommate of mine...

* * *

The Cat Scratch was a small, dirty, flashy club located directly in the middle of the worst part of town. It was all guys watching girls, which was certainly an improvement on the places Maureen had been dragging me lately. I had noticed her taste was getting a little strange...

Roger and I looked around for a little bit, and then sat at the bar for a while. There was some kind of dance show going on that we could see a little bit of. All I could see clearly were a bunch of girls tied up, and one handcuffed. I thought it was disgusting. Roger could tell.

"You're not having fun, are you?"he asked, watching as I played with the rim of my glass.

"Sure I am,"I lied.

"Don't lie to me, Cohen. Come on. We'll leave."Roger put down money for the drinks and took my hand, leading me out of the club.

"Roger, stop holding my hand! People are gonna think we're a _couple_!"I joked as he dragged me along. Roger turned around, grinning.

"You know you'd like that,"he teased. I laughed.

"You're a creep. I'm just barely legal!"I scolded. Roger laughed too, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"That's what makes you even more _fun_,"he said. "Come on. Let's go to a gay bar and convince _them_ we're a couple for some free entertainment."

I thought he was kidding. Key word: _thought_.

* * *

I always looked up to Roger. That's why I listened to him whenever he went off on one of his crazy rants, and went along with all his absurd plans and whims. He was like an older brother to me. He taught me the things I need to know to survive in the city. I admired him. He was like an idol to me, a role model. Which is probably why it hurt me the most when I learned the truth.

It was the end of July. Maureen was out working on her new protest, Collins was visiting the MIT campus for the weekend, and Benny was off with, you guessed it, Alison(who had come to be known as _Muffy_ to those of us in the loft)

Roger and I were home alone, something that didn't happen too often any more. He was usually with April. But he was in the bathroom, and I was heading over to the lot to help Maureen set up for her latest performance–I mean, _protest_.

"Hey Roger, I'm heading out!"I called. When there was no reply, I tried again. "Roger! I'm heading out, okay?"Still nothing. I frowned, concerned. "Roger...?"I walked over to the bathroom and pushed the door open.

I immediately wished I hadn't.

There was Roger, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, belt around his arm, needle in his skin. My jaw completely dropped, and I was speechless as I stared at Roger. His head shot up, and he immediately pulled the needle out of his arm.

"Fuck!"he muttered, trying to hide it. It was a little late.

"Oh God..."I uttered out of shock.

"Mark, I..."he began, but I had already turned from the bathroom, disgusted. I slammed my camera down in anger as I headed for the door. Roger jumped in front of me.

"Mark, it's not what it looks like!"he insisted.

"Oh really? Then what is it, Roger? Huh? Are you gonna tell me that I _didn't _just catch you shooting up in our bathroom?"I spat. I was pissed. Really pissed.

"I...I just...April got me hooked. I can't _stop_...I've only been on it...for a month...or..."He was too high to finish his thoughts. I was surprised he was even trying to put up a fight.

"A month, Roger! You've been hiding this from us for a month?"I bellowed.

"Mark...please! I don't mean...please, don't! Don't!"He wasn't even making sense any more. I shook my head disgustedly at him, and pushed pass him as I ran for the door.

"Mark! No!"he called frantically. But I was already down the stairs.

* * *

When I got back, Roger was gone. I called Collins and left a message telling him there was a problem, and I called Benny and Maureen's mobile phones and told them to come home.

Benny arrived first and I explained the situation to him. He wasn't as angry as I thought he would be. He was concerned, and upset, but certainly not as angry as I had been. Then again, he hadn't witnessed it.

"So, what are we gonna do?"I asked Benny, as the two of us sat in the empty loft.

"We'll talk to him,"Benny said logically. "When Collins gets back, we'll have an intervention. You, me, Collins and Maureen."

"It's all because of April,"I sighed. I was disappointed. I had trusted her to take care of Roger. Now she was killing him.

"Then we'll leave her out of this,"Benny replied. "Maybe we can convince him she's not good for him..."

"He loves April. He would never leave her,"I stated.

Unknown to us, April would not be around much longer.

* * *

So Collins, Maureen, Benny and I all got together with Roger about a week later, and told him our thoughts. As you can imagine, he did not react well.

"So you just expect me to _stop_?"he demanded. He wasn't high when we talked to him, and he apparently hadn't had a hit in a while, because he was a mess. "It's not that _easy_!"

"We know, Roger. And we'll help you,"Collins assured him calmly.

"I don't want your fucking help!"Roger hollered. "I'm fine! I'm not hurting anyone!"

"You're hurting yourself, Roger!"I stated firmly.

"Well what the fuck do _you _care?"Roger spat. He jumped up, grabbing his jacket.

"Roger, where are you going?"Collins demanded, standing up as well.

"I'm going out. Try and stop me."And Roger was out the door. The rest of us sighed.

"This is a lost cause,"Benny sighed.

"Shut up,"Maureen snapped, slapping his arm.

"So that's it? We're just gonna give up?"I demanded, leaping to my feet.

"No, Mark. We'll keep trying. That's all we _can _do,"Collins sighed. I sat down again, putting my head in my hands.

"Oh God...this is fucked up,"I muttered.

"It's okay, baby,"Maureen assured me, patting my back. "Roger will be fine. I've known him forever, he'll bounce back."I smiled. Maureen always knew how to make me feel just a little bit better.

"Well, if this is all, then I'll see you three later,"Benny said, standing up.

"Whoa, you're not sleeping here?"Collins asked, surprised. I wasn't. Benny never slept at the loft any more. However, I _was_ surprised at how calmly he was taking all of this.

"No. I'm staying in Westport for the weekend,"Benny replied. "I'll catch you later."And Benny was gone too.

"Ass hole,"Maureen grumbled. "He's different now. Not like he was in high school. He's changed, and he's an ass!"Collins offered a sympathetic smile to me, as I rolled my eyes.

"Kinda makes you glad you're leaving, huh?"I asked him.

"Man...what am I gonna do without you guys while I'm a MIT next year?"he asked.

"What are_ we_ gonna do without _you_?"I corrected, as we shared a small laugh. But Collins answered in all seriousness.

"You'll take care of 'em, Mark."

* * *

**A/N: I would first like to say, sorry there was a delay in updating! My computer wouldn't let me download files yesterday.**

**So there's the extent of our Mark/Roger. Well, actually, there's LOTS more serious Mark/Roger friendship coming(you can guess what's coming next...)But friendship is really all it is. So, sorry to disappoint any Mark/Roger fans! And also my Mark/Maureen fans, who I promised would see more Mark/Maureen in this chapter. Keep sending me your feedback. There are three chapters left, and I'll try to get them up ASAP!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

I managed to get over my grudge against Roger and his drugs after a little while. I wasn't pleased with him, and I certainly hadn't accepted it, but Roger was my best friend, and I couldn't just stop talking to him. The fact that we shared a room also made it kind of hard.

And he _did _apologize. When he wasn't high. He came to me and he said he was sorry, but he couldn't stop. Well, I forgave him, but I wasn't happy. I never told him how much I had looked up to him, or how much he had hurt me. I didn't need to. I think he understood.

About a month after that whole incident, Benny announced to us all his engagement to Alison Grey. He was going to be moving out of the loft, and living at Alison's father's estate in Westport where he would take on the family trade and become a landlord. No one offered him any great congratulations.

Collins was preparing to move in at the campus at MIT. It was August then, and the school year would be starting soon.

Maureen and I were still together, technically. We weren't actually in each other's presence very often though, and when we were it was usually briefly...and usually involving more guys than just me. Maureen had always been a flirt, but it was starting to get a little out of hand. When I brought it up to her she just laughed and told me I was being paranoid, and proceeded to kiss me until I forgot I was even angry. That was how Maureen dealt with things.

April kind of moved in once Benny left. She would sleep at the loft every night, and she and Roger would go shoot up every afternoon, and spend the rest of the day doing God-knows-what. I spent my time writing more and more stupid scripts and forcing Collins to read them for me.

When Collins left in September, I was alone a lot. Maureen would read for me when she was around, but otherwise, I was just writing more.

And then came the day.

* * *

It was November 28th 1988, about 6:00 in the evening. I remember it perfectly. 

I was just coming back from a day of filming. It was the first snowfall of the year, and I had captured it all. I was so excited, I couldn't wait to edit the clips together with my movie.

I came up the stairs, and immediately I knew something was wrong. The door to the loft was left open, and I could hear what sounded like sobs coming from inside. Without a second thought, I dropped my camera and ran into the loft.

"Roger? Collins? Maureen?"I called. The sobbing was coming from the bathroom.

I ran over to the bathroom door...and froze.

What I saw will forever be burned into my mind. I will never set foot into that bathroom again without picturing April's blood-covered body laying in the bathtub, her wrists completely slashed. Blood was everywhere, and a knife lay beside the tub, shining in the light.

Roger knelt beside the tub, crumpled into a ball, sobbing hysterically. His hands were covered in blood. He had obviously tried to save her.

Beside Roger was a small piece of paper. From where I was standing, I could see it had three words in April's writing. Those three words read: _We've got AIDS._

My jaw was wide open, my eyes even wider. I could feel my heart pounding, my blood racing, my breath speeding up. Ohgodohgodohgod.

I turned out of the bathroom, breathing heavily and shaking furiously as I fell to my knees. April was dead. Blood everywhere. AIDS. Ohgodohgodohgod.

I remember throwing up. All over our rug, too. Everything was a horrifying, messy blur. I managed to stumbled to the phone and dial 9-1-1, and get out some flustered, stuttering version of what had happened. Roger remained in the bathroom, sobbing.

I finally walked back in, and immediately felt the need to throw up again. But I held it back, making my way over to Roger. I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder...

He leapt at the contact, whirling around. His eyes were extremely bloodshot, his face contorted into misery. He looked down at his blood-covered hands, then up at me again, and tears streamed from his eyes.

Without even considering that I was kneeling in a puddle of AIDS-infected blood, I knelt beside my best friend, and pulled him in towards me, hugging him close as he sobbed.

"My April...my beautiful April, Mark!"Roger sobbed into my shoulder. I hushed him, not able to offer any actual words.

The EMT came about fifteen minutes later, and immediately demanded that Roger and I leave the bathroom. I had to force Roger to leave April's side, and he absolutely flipped out when he saw them carrying the body bag out the door.

"NO! NO! DON'T LET THEM TAKE HER, MARK! DON'T LET THEM TAKE HER!"he hollered, struggling to break free of my grasp. Finally he collapsed, falling to his knees and sobbing again, as I proceeded to attempt comfort him.

It took a while to calm Roger. I don't know exactly how long. It felt like days. It was probably a couple of hours. Then the police came to ask questions. I refused to let them speak to Roger, and answered everything for them, Roger sitting beside me the whole time.

His face was tear-stained and completely deadpan. He looked exhausted and pale and miserable. He had not washed his blood-covered hands. He sat beside me silently the whole night, staring ahead blankly, tears flowing from his red eyes.

I must have looked a mess myself. I was shaking still, hours later, and had not changed out of my blood-stained pants.

The police took my word for things, as all the evidence pointed to it as well, and they left us alone.

Maureen and Benny arrived shortly after the police. I had called them before the police even arrived, as well as Collins, but I got no answer at MIT. They helped me clean the bathroom and the rug, and I finally changed my clothes. Collins called back later that night to tell me he was on his way back immediately.

We all sat together in the dark and silence. Maureen was crying. Benny refused to make eye contact, and kept staring over at the bathroom nervously. I sat beside Roger, who hadn't moved or spoken since April's body had been taken away.

At about 4:00 in the morning, Collins arrived. He told Maureen and Benny to go home and rest, because it would be a long week. Roger accepted a hug from Collins, almost breaking down again in his embrace. Collins and I stayed with Roger for the rest of the night, falling asleep on the couch. Roger didn't sleep.

The next morning I woke up at 6:30 to see Roger sitting beside me, tears streaming down his cheeks. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and stretching a little. Roger suddenly turned to me.

"Mark...I want to stop,"he said softly. It took me a minute to register what he had said. Then I understood.

"You mean...the drugs?"I asked. He nodded.

"I _need _to stop, Mark. _Please_...help me stop!"he whispered frantically. I hushed him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Roger, I will do everything I can to help you stop,"I assured him. Roger nodded, and broke down again.

"_Hold me_,"he cried softly. I did, wrapping my arms around him comfortingly.

"We're gonna get through this, Roger,"I whispered. "I'm going to help you."

"Don't leave me, Mark. Please don't leave,"Roger pleaded.

"Never. I'll be right by your side through everything,"I replied. Roger hugged my arm tightly as he buried his face into my sweater.

And that marked the start of Roger's withdrawal.

* * *

**A/N: So there it is. No more April, and more drama. I'm putting all the withdrawal stuff into one chapter though, so it won't drag on. I know that stuff can get pretty intense.**

**To answer a question I got, this story is only going up to December 24th, 1989. So right to the beginning of RENT. No Mimi, though she's mentioned in the following chapters as 'the girl who lives downstairs'.**

**Thanks for all your feedback and comments. Two chapters left!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Going through withdrawal is hell, I'm sure. That agony of not being able to have something you crave so badly, and all the people that you thought were your friends keeping it from you. It must be absolute torture.

Helping someone through a withdrawal is ten times worse.

From December 1988 to June 1989 my entire life revolved around taking care of Roger Davis. Collins was there to help me when he could, but he had his career to look after. He was the only one bringing in any money now, and we depended on his job. So for six months Roger depended almost entirely upon me.

The week after April's death was one of the most horrible weeks of my life. Collins contacted her family, who didn't want a funeral. Roger was a mess as it was, so Benny put down a couple hundred dollars for a small headstone for her in the cemetery. Collins and I took Roger to visit it, and he completely broke down again.

I also had to take Roger in for his HIV test. We were all fairly sure he was positive, considering the note April had left, but Collins said he should get the test just in case. That gave Roger hope.

Six weeks later, I hated Collins and his logic with all my heart.

* * *

The beginning of Roger's withdrawal was absolute hell. For both of us. Roger was furious and violent. He would smash things, throw things, slam things. At times, when he was _really_ angry, and I was forced to deny him a hit, he would even hit _me_. It hurt physically and emotionally to go through that first month. Collins was barely around for it too, because it was mid-term exam time, and he was busy testing and grading students. He came home during Christmas break though... 

"Hey Mark. I got the key."Collins walked into the loft, tossing the key onto our table and dropping down a bag of groceries. I walked out of me and Roger's room, where Roger had just fallen asleep, and grinned when I saw Collins.

"Collins!"I cried, running over and hugging him. "It's good to see you."

"You too man,"Collins assured him. "How've you been? How's Roger?"I sighed.

"...difficult. Very difficult. He's sleeping now,"I replied. "He's angry as hell, Collins, and I hate having to be the bully. He gets so upset...it's horrible."That's when Collins noticed my black eye.

"Holy..."he gasped, turning my face so he could see it. "Oh no. He didn't..."I nodded.

"Yeah. He's been really violent lately too,"I mumbled quietly. Collins turned away, disgusted.

"Oh my God...how could I leave you like this?"he demanded suddenly, pounding his fist into the wall. "How could I leave you alone to do this all yourself!"

"Collins, it's not your fault. You need to work-"I began.

"Fuck work!"Collins bellowed. "Look at you, Mark! You're in danger here! You're in real, physical danger! And I left you alone!"He paced to the other side of the room, hand on his forehead. "That's it. I'm not going back. I'm not leaving you-"I immediately ran over to him.

"Tom Collins, listen to me when I say this: _You are going back to fucking work._ We can't afford for you _not _to work. We can't buy food and now AZT! Neither of us can work, you are all we have _left_, Collins! We are depending on _you_."Collins was taken aback at my sudden boldness.

"I...I..."He sighed. "Okay. I'll go back. But for now, I'm here to help."I nodded.

"Good."

* * *

It helped having Collins there for a few weeks. Then _all_ Roger's fury wasn't directed toward me. Maureen came to help a few times, but she would scream back at Roger when he was upset, which only made things worse. She wasn't very much help at all really. I told her not to worry, I could handle things. She took the hint. I appreciated her effort though. Benny never came at all. He sent us some money. That's what Benny does. 

After the first three months, things were still bad, but not as intense. There was no more throwing. No more physical attacks. Just lots and lots of yelling and accusations.

"FUCK YOU, MARK! YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND!"Oh yeah, I got that one a lot. You don't understand, Mark. How would you know, Mark? You have no idea, Mark. Yeah, month four was a real emotional blast.

Maureen and I literally stopped seeing each other. She wouldn't come near Roger in his state...and I was _always _with Roger. I'm assuming that's around when she started seeing Joanne. I didn't even care at the time. Roger Davis was my main concern.

Month five was a lot of crying and moping and brooding. He would moan and complain about April, and heroine, and AIDS. I would try to talk to him, and he would shut me out. Then he would come back and cry and apologize.

Month five is when Benny made his grand reappearance. I hadn't seen him since December, and he hadn't bothered to call. So I was surprise when he arrive one sunny Tuesday in April.

"Ding dong."I was eating a bowl of Capt'n Crunch when I heard a voice at the door. I turned to see Benny standing there, smile on his face.

"Hey Benny!"I greeted, walking over and hugging him. "I haven't seen you in ages."

"You have good reason,"Benny commented. "How's Roger?"

"He's doing better,"I replied.

"Glad to hear that,"Benny said.

"How have you been? We never hear from you any more. How's Alison? And work?"I questioned.

"Well, that's actually why I'm here,"Benny said. "My father-in-law just bought several buildings and lotsin the area...including this one. Since I'm working for him, this makes me the official landlord."

"Oh...wow! Talk about turning the tables, huh?"I said, not sure yet whether I should be glad to hear this news, or worried.

"As a little bit of relief, I'm letting you guys off of rent for the year,"Benny said.

"Oh my God! Benny, thank you _so_ much,"I exclaimed.

"You guys are golden for now. I know you've been going through a hard time, and there's a new girl who just moved in downstairs who I'll be focusing on rent-wise for a while,"Benny explained.

"Benny, this means a lot to us,"I told him. He nodded, smiling a little.

"Glad I could help,"he said. "Good luck, Mark. Let the others know I dropped by."

"Of course. Collins will be happy to hear from you,"I assured him. He grinned, and waved as he exited the loft.

From my futuristic point of view, I have one thing to say: What a fucker.

* * *

So I explained to Roger, Maureen and Collins about what Benny had said, and they were all shocked. Though I must say, it was a very welcomed surprise. Now we had extra money for food and Roger's AZT. 

Month six of the withdrawal was by far the easiest. Roger stayed locked in his room most of the day, and refused to speak. Of course, me being me, I had to go prod and pry and try to get him to come out and talk to me. But all in all, things weren't so bad.

By June, Roger was out of his room. Though he refused to leave the house or play guitar, he would now eat and talk. He was returning to the old Roger. The sarcastic, funny, ranting Roger. And I couldn't have been happier. Six brutal months had finally paid off.

One night, shortly after the sixth and final month, Roger and I had stayed up together, talking and goofing off like old times, until we dozed off on the couch. I was half asleep when I heard Roger lean down to my ear, and whisper something that made all those six months worthwhile.

"Thank you."

* * *

**A/N: So there's the end of the withdrawal, and our drama. Comedy returns in the next, and final, chapter! That will probably be up some time tomorrow morning, because my BFFL is coming over tomorrow to stay so I won't be able to update. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy the last two chapters!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

I tried to get Roger to leave the house with me every day. It never worked. He was completely normal again...only he wouldn't leave. Collins brought over food, and I went out to get his prescriptions of AZT, and Roger sat in the loft all day. It was depressing. But otherwise, things were okay again.

Then came the fateful day in September, when Maureen arrived at the loft.

* * *

"Marky, baby...we need to talk,"she said immediately upon entering. I looked up from my film, and Roger from his breakfast. 

"Okay. What about?"I asked. Maureen looked nervous. Maureen _never _looked nervous.

"We need to talk in private,"she declared, grabbing my hand and pulling me into me and Roger's room.

"Fine, I see how it is!"Roger called teasingly after us.

Once we were in my room, Maureen sat me down on the bed and closed the door.

"Maureen, what is this about?"I asked. I really had no clue. God, I was stupid.

"Pookie...this last year has been really great,"Maureen began. "I had so many good times with you, and you were just one of the sweetest boyfriends _ever_."

"But...?"I asked.

"But...well...I never see you any more. We haven't done anything in a while, and I've been getting really bored,"Maureen admitted.

"Well, I've been busy with Roger. But that can change now,"I insisted.

"No, Mark."I froze. She had used Mark. Not 'pookie', not 'Marky'. Just Mark. That was not a good sign. "Things have already changed. I've met someone new."

In those four words, Maureen caused my entire world to stop, then crash into a deep, black abyss. _Ooh_. Poetic...

"...w-what?"I asked, shocked.

"I've been seeing other people for a while, Mark. I couldn't help it! You were never around, and you know how I get,"Maureen defended herself.

"You cheated on me?"I demanded, shocked and hurt. Maureen nodded guiltily.

"Look Mark, I'm sorry. But I've found someone new. Someone really special. I think I've finally found _the one_."She said the last part in an excited whisper. I was still in shock.

"...you cheated on me and fell in _love?_"I cried.

"Mark, it's nothing personal, trust me. I just came to realize something about myself..." Maureen began.

"Oh, of course. The 'it's not you, it's me' talk. Great..."I groaned.

"No, _really_ Mark. This _is_ about me. I'm a lesbian."

Okay, at THAT one, I fell off the bed. Maureen gasped, running to my side.

"Oh my gosh, Mark, are you okay?"she asked. I pulled away, gawking at her.

"...YOU'RE DUMPING ME FOR A WOMAN?"I'm pretty sure everyone on Avenue B heard that. Maureen just shrugged.

"I can't help it, Mark. I like girls. You should really meet Joanne sometime though! She's great, and I think you'd really like her,"she insisted. "She's a lawyer, and she's wicked smart, and she makes all this money..."

"Maureen, why did you decide to tell me this _now_?"I asked, trying to move on from my near heart attack.

"Well...Joanne asked me to move in with her,"Maureen admitted.

"So you're moving out, too, huh?"I asked. Maureen nodded.

"Yeah. It's not too far though! It's just...in the _richer _part of town, ya know? Anyways, it's a great place, and we've been thinking about getting serious-"

"You've been with her long enough for things to get serious...and you're just dumping me _now_?"

"I really am sorry, pookie. I just didn't know how to _tell _you. I didn't want to make you upset during-"

"I'm not upset."I immediately stood up, brushing myself off. "It's fine. Whatever. Go off and...be a lesbian. Whatever you need to do."Maureen grinned, jumping up and hugging me.

"Oh, thank you so much Marky! I knew you'd understand!"she squealed. I didn't hug back. "Oh, and you're still my official production manager!"I rolled my eyes.

"Great..."I muttered.

Maureen ran out of my room, grabbing a few of her things from the coffee table.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick up all my things. Thanks again Marky!"And Maureen was gone.

Roger looked curiously from the door to me, still standing at the entrance to our bedroom.

"What was that all about?"he asked.

"She dumped me,"I confessed.

"Aw man, that sucks. I'm sorry."

"Yeah...she found someone new."

"Who? Some guy from a protest?"

"No. A lawyer."

"A rich guy? What a bitch..."

"A lawyer named _Joanne_."

Roger stopped, staring at me for a moment, and registering what I had just said.

"Did...did you just say...?"I nodded. Roger's jaw dropped, and I could tell he was doing everything he could to stifle a laugh.

"Oh...oh wow...er...damn, that _really_ sucks,"he said, trying to pass his laughter off as a cough. "Sorry Mark..."I sighed.

"Can't wait to tell Collins about _this_ one..."Roger had to laugh a little at that.

"You'll never hear the end of this, you realize that?"

"Yup."

"But, uh...are you okay with things?"I nodded, lying blatantly.

"Yeah. I'm fine."Roger nodded.

"Okay."

"I think I'm gonna go...work on my script."And I walked into our room, closed the door, and began my moping session.

* * *

So Maureen moved out, and Roger and I finally got separate rooms. With Collins gone throughout the school year, it was mostly just the two of us. Roger still wouldn't leave, and I had started to give up. Maybe he never would. What could I do? 

Maureen still kept in touch, as I was still her production manager. She would come by every now and then and call _constantly_, trying to get me to come out with her and Joanne. Roger and I had pretty much resorted to not answering the phone any more. And I never called her back.

Collins couldn't make it for Thanksgiving, so Roger and I sat inside and relentlessly mocked Christmas specials all day. I must say, it was pretty entertaining.

We hadn't actually talked to Benny since April(the month, not the person)But we had heard from him. Cyber-arts, a new digitial technology center, wanted to build a cyber-studio in the lot next door. And Benny, as our landlord, was backing it. Maureen was pissed, of course, and began setting up a whole new protest. I tried contacting Benny several times to talk about it, but he never called back, and we never saw him, except when he was 'collecting the rent' from the girl downstairs. He would go in for a while, and not come out until night. I had a feeling there might be a little more than rent-collecting going on. I mean, the girl was a dancer from that Cat Scratch club after all. That had been going on up until about three months earlier.

It was December 24th 1989 when I first took a look at all the footage I had collected over the last year. There wasn't much, considering I had spent 6 months inside with a junkie. But what there was...was absolute shit.

It wasn't artistic. It wasn't poetic. It wasn't symbolic. It was just..._dumb_. And pointless. I didn't know what I had been _thinking_. I doubted I even _had _been thinking. It was absolute, meaningless shit. And that made me pretty depressed.

I slumped over to the couch miserably, sitting down beside Roger, who had finally picked up his guitar again for the first time that morning. He had been playing Musetta's Waltz _all day long. _I mean, I was glad that he was playing again and everything, but couldn't he find a new song?

"Hey. What's wrong?"he asked, watching me carefully.

"Nothing,"I muttered.

"You look like you were just hit by a truck,"he commented.

"Roger Davis, never failing to boost your confidence just when you need it most,"I snapped sarcastically. He laughed.

"Seriously. What's going on?"he asked.

"I just watched all my footage from the past year,"I explained. "It was frighteningly bad."

"Oh come on. You're exaggerating."

"No, I'm really not. None of it makes any _sense_. It's all just...shit."

"Well, you have this year to improve."

"What if I can't improve? What if I'm just no good?"

"Mark, don't say that. You're the best filmmaker I know."

"...I'm the _only _filmmmaker you know."

"Yeah, well, if I knew others I'd still like you best!"I grinned over at Roger.

"You know, maybe you could come out with me while I filmed. Get some fresh air..."I hinted.

"I can get plenty of fresh air from the fire escape,"Roger replied. I sighed, nodding.

"Right..."I stood up. "Well, I'm gonna go out and try to get some actual inspiration."

"Good luck,"Roger called.

"Thanks. I'm gonna need it."

* * *

It was the first time I had brought my camera out without a script and several of my friends in tow. It was just me, the camera...and my thoughts. 

I thought about a lot of things. I thought about Roger and Collins with AIDS. I thought about Maureen and Benny leaving for the richer life. I thought about our lack of heat, our lack of light, our lack of food. Life was pretty much shit. And I loved every minute of it.

What made living in this freezing bohemian hell so much better than living in warm, heated Scarsdale? Was it my freedom? The fact that I was finally able to concentrate on my art? The fact that none of my family currently knew exactly where I was?

It was all those things, I determined. This was just the life I was meant to live, the people I was meant to know, and the place I was meant to be in.

I realized that if I wanted to get a movie out of this, it couldn't be one that followed a script, or a plan. This life was haphazard, crazy, unexpected...so my movie had to be too. And the only way to capture that would be through a real-life account of it._ A documentary_.

I ran home and grabbed my camera, leaving Roger with his guitar. On my way down the stairs, I nearly ran into that dancer from the Cat Scratch I was in such a hurry. She was wandering around the stairwell with a candle...

Outside I ran past the lot where Maureen and her girlfriend were working on Maureen's latest protest against the Cyber-arts company.

I found a nickel on the sidewalk and tossed it to some young homeless guy sitting at the corner pounding on a bucket, who called 'Merry Christmas' to me as I ran by.

Collins would be home for Christmas that night, so I knew I couldn't stay out long. I ran quickly by a group of nasty looking thugs near a phone booth, and didn't even notice a rather familiar Range Rover drive by.

I found an old homeless guy on the street, sleeping peacefully, his breath puffing out before him...and began to film.

"December 24th, 9:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time. From here on in, I shoot without a script..."

**_The Beginning

* * *

_**

**A/N: So there it is, it's done! Thanks to everyone who read it, I'm glad people liked it! How did I do wirting from a male POV? I hope I proved my teacher wrong. Thanks again for all your comments and feedback!**


End file.
